i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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