I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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