I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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