I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My bed smells like the plague
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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