drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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