I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
