He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
