I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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