I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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