Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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