Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
now i know why i became what i already was.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
