My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
this is an emotional support booty call
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
