I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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