Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
