Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
