Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
