What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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