PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize