if only i could text you this smell
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
