Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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