Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
