I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
