if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drunk is not a location!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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