you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
