I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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