He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
