dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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