How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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