i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
