She's JV to your varsity
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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