even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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