Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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