just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
