We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He did a backflip because drugs
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