Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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