It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
