I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
