I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
