It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
