New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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