break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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