you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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