Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
