WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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