I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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