He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
