just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
