Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
