so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
