I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
