I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how can u be prego again
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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