last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
