Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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