I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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