Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
