I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
