btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
