the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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