hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
