You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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