Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
