Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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