u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
