I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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