You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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